Mother's Day Ain't Happening
Sad for those doing the most important job in the world
Mothers don’t live to celebrate Mother’s Day. While many seem to enjoy the recognition, some dread the hoopla for good reason. The apple pie and motherhood perk bypasses millions of moms because their families continue to invisibly suffer from the many ill-effects of homelessness.
Yes, millions of moms.
Family homelessness is a largely hidden, disregarded occurrence. HUD, our national agency that’s supposed to deal with low-income housing issues, grossly undercounts all layers of homelessness, especially families. My earlier post explains HUD’s deficiency. Among other things, it’s a definition issue. HUD reported 260,000 people in families (adults and children) in their 2024 census. Consider these contrasting (yet still underestimated) reports of how many kids experience homelessness:
Babies and toddlers, 446,996 in 2022–23 (SchoolHouse Connection)
Students, preK-12, record-setting 1.5 million identified in public schools, 2023–24. (SchoolHouse Connection)
More than 4.2 million youth, young adults and teens, with 700,000 unaccompanied minors. (National Conference of State Legislatures)
We can all agree that these kids were brought into the world by mothers. Even without being able to accurately calculate how many mothers experience homelessness, let’s agree on “millions.” There. I said it.
Now back to Mother’s Day or any day
What I can share, based on 40 years of working with families experiencing homelessness, is that what they go through, which varies with lots of commonalities, can really mess up their kids — mentally and physically. I’m not saying this to discredit their parenting efforts or badmouth kids. I’m conveying what I’ve seen and heard. And yes, it’s mostly mothers, to be even more specific — Black moms, who endure this housing instability, as I’ve pointed out in my previous Medium posts.
Fortunately, many of these families find their way out of homelessness. Not to say things get all rosy once they’re out. For some it’s better, but too many endure a different sort of hell. The challenges center around income deficiencies, physical and mental health issues, inadequate housing, lack of childcare, and so on.
Think about it. How do families go from being in a deep hole to above ground without being able to access essentials of survival?
Even without being able to accurately calculate how many mothers experience homelessness, let’s agree on “millions.” There. I said it.
Family 1
Here is what I’ve recently heard from a mom I’ve known for more than 10 years. She and her girls were homeless because of the #1 cause of family homelessness — domestic violence. And they were in one of the many areas of the country that lacked any shelter or services for families, so they toughed it out the best they could, doubling up with others, staying with “friends” who ended up causing worse nightmares, and sleeping in places not fit for human habitation.
That was 10+ years ago. They’ve been decently housed for several years. However, life did not turn magically better because their housing situation improved. The psychological scars of the trauma experienced during and after the family broke up remain, and, I’d suggest, worsened. After years of agonizing relationships, it’s now reached mother-daughter alienation. Mother’s Day will be just another day, with the celebrations surrounding this mom just being salt on her wounds.
Family 2
Another family I’ve known for more than 20 years follows much of the same pattern. Domestic violence. Multiple periods of homelessness. Scarce services or support. And what passed for permanent housing could hardly be considered adequate, but it was all the family could manage. As the mother reflects back on their traumatic circumstances, she’s savvy enough to point to reasons why her kids now struggle with serious mental health issues. None of the family could access counseling to process what they’ve been through. And they blame the mom for, well, everything. No Mother’s Day flowers for her.
Be assured I could go on and on. If you’d like a geographically and racially diverse, rural-urban-suburban look at family homelessness, binge watch my videos that feature families sharing their stories of homelessness, including this classic, “on the edge — Family Homelessness in America,” that PBS stations ran on Mother’s Day weekend back in 2012.
Disaster on the horizon
Sorry to be a downer, but for families struggling to survive, things look particularly bleak in the upcoming weeks and months thanks to the massive cuts our federal legislators voted for last July.
H.R. 1, the Republican megabill enacted July 4, 2025, poses great harm to families, including higher food costs, poverty, and hunger. It makes deep cuts to federal funding for food assistance through the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP), shifting significant new costs to states. It dramatically expands SNAP’s already harsh and ineffective provision taking away people’s benefits for not meeting a work requirement. And it ended eligibility for many people with a lawful immigration status. — (Center on Budget and Policy Priorities)
These cuts impacting families include severe reductions to housing assistance, “…to many programs and policy proposals that would make it more difficult for families to find and maintain a stable, affordable home.”
Health care, inadequate at best for those without big bank accounts, is already being shredded by the budget priorities of this administration. Cuts too numerous to list are already impacting children and adults, and massive reductions in community health care services are happening now.
Educational access and services for students experiencing homelessness has again been targeted by the latest budget plans. The Education for Homeless Children and Youth (EHCY) program, inadequately funded but at least somewhat helpful, will be wiped out if these cuts are enacted.
“Without dedicated EHCY funding, the protections that McKinney-Vento provides students experiencing homelessness are essentially also eliminated. In total, the budget request would cut $8 billion from the U.S. Department of Education, eliminating funding for before and after school programs, rural education programs, and many other programs that support vulnerable students…” (SchoolHouse Connection)
Again, I could go on and on…
All is not lost
What needs to happen until we can accomplish the legislative changes that desperately need to happen, is creation of a basic safety net and innovative solutions on state and local levels. Not to dismiss the role that the feds should be taking, but while we’re busy spending tax dollars on, um, other priorities, these families can’t wait!
Having withstood countless barrages of legislative brutality over the years, I’ve learned that the bad stuff doesn’t always happen as predicted. I’m not in a pollyanna mood, but I’ll close with some optimistic viewpoints from a couple of folks I respect.
Attorney/advocate Fran Quigley from deep red Indiana offers “Ten Reasons for Realistic Hope” in a three-part series. He works in eviction court, so his viewpoints reflect the world of families in dire circumstances.
From my home state of Connecticut, Sarah Fox, head of the CT Coalition to End Homelessness, points out practical considerations that, if applied to how we get kids to school when they’re in various homeless situations, would benefit both families and schools.
And for those curious about what I’ve learned about family homelessness, here are books I’ve written. Our HEAR US website is undergoing some much needed updating, so I’ve posted the books on my Medium page. My newest, Making Bad a Little Better, offers realistic ways to ease the vast suffering of families in our midst.
I’m not a parent. But I sure wonder why parents, especially moms, get the short end of the stick when it comes to doing the most important job in the world.
This post originally appeared on my Medium page. Thanks for reading and sharing. We’re just trying to raise awareness by these posts, with hopes that folks can make their communities more compassionate. After 20 years, our HEAR US website is pretty well temporarily defunct. Message me through this or my Medium link if you have questions.